Leaving Las Vegas
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As a soon to be father of a girl...

May 2, 2009 14:24 by ryan

I found this advice quite helpful.

From the comments section on fark.com regarding the following article:

" Miley Cyrus vows to wait until marriage to have sex. Just like Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Vanessa Hudgens..."

http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00023967.html 

"Rent Party: As a father of a smashingly beautiful and smart 19 year old daughter that I'm as proud of as humanly possible, here is some advice for you dad's just beginning your adventures with daughters.

The Message: Boys are stupid, and easy to replace. The earlier you begin drilling this into her head, the better. Most young girls get all wrapped up around the axle over a boy. She loves him, and he's so awesome, and blah blah blah. Your job as a father is to prevent that from happening, and early conditioning is key. Say things like "If he's upsetting you, kick his ass to the curb. You can have a new boy tomorrow. There will be one on the next bus." You want to instill in her a conviction that boys are disposable, and that they need her way more than she needs them. All of which is true.

The Actions: I know you all want to break out your shotguns and show them to him, but don't. That's trite and cliche, and it makes you suspect when they find his body. Instead, go dig a hole in the back yard, and then refill it. Make sure you mention things like "People disappear every day..." The object is not to make overt threats, which young men will scoff at, but to make him unsure whether you're kidding or not. Under no circumstance do you tell him. You're not.

The Relationship: The boy is not your friend. Do not hang out with him. Do not get to know him. Do not ever call him by his name, and in fact, it is best if you deliberately call him something else. If his name is Joe, call him Bob. If it's Bob, call him Frank. If he corrects you, the only response is a blank stare, and then "...whatever." If he's got something that lends itself to a nickname, use that. Mine had one that I referred to only as "Piercy McKnucklehead." And by all means, this is how you address him, if you condescend to address him at all.

The Girl: She is your princess. She gets unconditional support, and encouragement to meet high goals. Especially when knucklehead is around. Make sure you talk about that application to the FBI academy, or that train trip through Europe, or whatever much more important thing she has to do with her future that does not involve the boy. When she dumps him, ensure you tell her you think that's fantastic! If she's all mopey about why he's being a douchebag, ensure you have her clarify exactly what makes this clown so special, and what is preventing her, exactly, from dumping his ass and getting a new one (See, "Stupid and easy to replace" for more detail.) In short, she gets all of your attention, and he gets no mercy whatsoever.

Example: I had some guests that were confused as to why mine left some boy out on the front porch for 20 minutes rather than inviting him in while she got ready to go. My response was "I don't care if she left his ass out there all night long." Which is true.

So, gentlemen, the keys to success are all there. The secret is to apply them early and often.

God speed, and good hunting.



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